If You Only See One Silent Movie This Year, See it With a Bunch of Olds Who Don't Give a Crap About What Anyone Thinks

We all know about The Artist by now, yeah? The one that keeps winning awards everywhere? The one everyone keeps assuming you've seen but you actually haven't because you're embarrassed to admit (even to yourself) that you're one of those Philistines who's still going "gah, a silent film?" That one. Go see it. It's fantastic! It's great and funny and clever and awesome. It's even more awesome surounded by the elderly in the middle of the afternoon.

I have this weird affection for going to movies in the middle of the day, at an independent theater that's largely membership-based and has cheap popcorn, so I usually find myself the youngest person in the semi-crowded theater by about 40 years. It's the Pre-Early-Bird Special Sweet Spot. This came in very handy when I saw Midnight in Paris and everyone was "quietly whispering to each other (ahem)" the names of all the historical figures that kept popping up. People chatter during movies anyway, loudly or not; sometimes it's quirky and interesting to have a side commentary rolling, and when it's not the loudness of the movie will usually drown it out.

There is no such luck with the soundtrack of The Artist.

The Muppets' Happy Song

"I feel like we should do a musical number right now."

"We haven't seen a happy movie in a looong time."

That was what you would have heard if you had heard us talking outside the theater after the screening of The Muppets, all of us mid-to late twenties or early thirties. We had been Muppet fans as kids of course, but none of us had the perfect-excuse-to-be-at-a-PG movie (a child). We did have the second best, though: "I got these tickets from work and this is a station screening so I am at work right now." While we were waiting for it to start, we chatted about the movies we'd recently seen. This involved a stilted discussion of Shame that had to be conducted completely in euphemisms, because we were surrounded by 8-year-olds. Although I suspect they know what johnson means. So basically, we had our world-weary cynicism jackets on, and zipped up to our necks. One of us even had a moment of: merciful god, this is a musical wtf. Brr.

We were worried for a second there: when the trailer came out with its jokes about fart shoes, we started to get worried.

But it's okay! The Muppets is great!

If You Liked Immortals, You Owe It To Yourself to Watch The Fall

Between Immortals winning the box office and the trailer for Mirror Mirror, that other Snow White movie, hitting the internet today, director Tarsem Singh is having a moment. I love this man, he makes absolutely gorgeous movies.

I knew I was going to see Immortals as soon as it opened, even if the reviews weren't great, because I knew it would look phenomenal, and I wanted it to be ten feet tall in front of me--and in 3D! Whatever else is ever said about Tarsem Singh, the man knows how to take a freakin' picture. Every shot of Immortals was intricate and beautiful. Even the gore was exquisite (And the 3D is great for a change).

Yes, Roger Ebert was right, Immortals is "the best looking awful movie you will ever see." For the record I didn't think it was awful, but it isn't great.  What IS great, and also exquisite, and also phenomenal, is another Tarsem Singh movie, The Fall.

One Thing the New Footloose Gets Very, Very Right

Trigger warning for discussions of physical assault and domestic violence.

Having been raised very sheltered from the pop culture of my childhood, I have lots of blank spaces where certain touchstones go: I didn't see Dirty Dancing until late in college. Or Karate Kid until a boyfriend made me watch it many years later. And I didn't see the original Footloose until two days before they sent me to LA for a press junket for the remake. 

Seeing it with my grown-up, lived in eyes for the first time, I didn't really like it all that much. It bothered me that Ariel came off as a psychotic whose only motivation was the craziness in her head. And then when she gets in that knock-down, drag-out fight with Chuck that ends in him holding her down and punching her until she stops struggling? Boy did that hit a trigger.

And it had me really, really upset. 

As in, how-am-I-supposed-to-watch-this-again-in-two-days-in-a-room-full-of-strangers-and-maintain-some-sort-of-professional-demeanor upset.  How am I supposed to talk about this movie when my only thought right now is pleasestoppleasestoppleasestop?

I was worried. And, thankfully, I needn't have been. 

All My Lady Prods Put Your Hands Up!

...No one?  Seriously I'm having a Wilson Phillips Moment and I need a friggin high five over here.

source: TheaterVIP