In Defense of The Neti: There are Scarier Ways To Get A Brain Amoeba

The neti pot has been getting a lot of press lately, mostly from Health Department Warnings about it because three people got brain amoebas from using them and died horrifically. Brain amoebas! I always thought if my neti pot killed me it would be by me accidentally drowning myself. However, it's not the neti pot itself that gives people brain amoebas, it's the act of getting water up your nose if that water happens to already contain a brain amoeba.

SO! Absolutely use distilled or treated water in your neti pot. And still use it, unless you're too afraid, because it's awesome.

Because, turns out there are lots and lots of ways to get water up your nose! Here are some things to be afraid of:

1. Swimming.

2. Being told a really funny joke and while you're drinking water and shooting water out of your nose.

3. Washing your face too enthusiastically.

4. Getting hit in the face during a water-gun fight (Summer)/snowball fight (Winter).

5. Being a jerk at a bar and getting a drink thrown in your face.

6. Mishap with a detachable shower head.

7. Being a contestant on America's Next Top Model.

Where did the brain amoeba come from? When will it get its own horror franchise? Is this new? Is it global warming/smiting (depending upon your relationship to logic/god), or is it the beginning of the zombie apocalypse? And should we just wear nose plugs everywhere, forever?

My Strange Love OR: How I Learned to Stop Sniffling and Love the Neti Pot

I am the worst sick person in the world. I have stood in the middle of our work cafeteria and cried because the only thing I wanted was chicken soup and it was not chicken soup day. I have protested loudly that "no one can keep me from going home early I am SICK!" to coworkers whose only thought was that the crazy lady should crawl into her bed as quickly as possible and stop infecting everyone. I have driven myself--sick--miles out of my way in search of the only place to get takeout matzo ball soup (I'm Irish). I have insisted on watching The English Patient over and over again, because in my delirium I forget why I hate it and besides it won all those awards and now I really do have five hours to sit and watch it...

In the absence of a thermometer, the severity of my fever can be accurately measured by determining the likelihood of me watching The English Patient. From, "well I've always had a thing for Naveen Andrews" (mild) to "maybe I haven't really given it a proper chance" (hospital).

But there's one thing I do when I'm sick that is absolutely the best: I reach for my neti pot.

WHY does this one look like a wang.

At this point you're having one of two reactions: ugh you put water up your nose on purpose that is revolting! Or: yeah, neti pot, high five! It's definitely one of those things where you just completely do not understand why anyone would ever do such a thing, until you do. I was certain I'd be in the former camp forever--I still hold my nose in the pool because, ew water up your nose. It took me many years, many MANY sinus infections, AND a job that requires me to consistently sound like a person who Is Not Dying to finally become desperate enough to try anything to breathe again.

There's a reason why every time someone mentions a neti pot, people come out of the wood work going, "oh my god I love mine! Use it every day! Makes everything smell like Jesus and peace!" and you sit there going, "you people sound like you're in a cult:" because it gets you exactly like a cult.