5 Reasons It's Better to Meet Someone in a Bar Than Online

So I've gone and quit eHarmony.  Done.  Finito.  Hundreds of dollars and only one (bad) date later, and I've finally caught on to the fact that taking my money and giving me no matches is a scam.  I only did it, and for as long as I did, because I fell for the argument used by every online dating service, ever:  "who are you ever going to meet in a bar?!?!"  The horror.  "How can you be sure you're compatible with a random stranger who just happens to be in the same place as you on the same day?"  As though choosing the same website--or any at all for that matter--is any different.  But actually, there are lots of things that I can figure out about a guy just by being in the same room as him, that I'd never be able to find out online until it's that point in the awkward first meeting where he says something like, "tell me more about your mischievous and fun personality" and I'm wondering how long I have to sit there before bolting for the door to not come across as too mean.  Behold:

Things you can infer about a person in a bar that eHarmony can't tell you:

1. He likes to hang out at the same kinds of places as I do.  True, I'll go to the club once a year or so to remind myself why I hate the club, but it's safe to assume that if a guy is at a particular place with a particular ambiance, and I am there too, we both dig the same kinds of places.

2.  He is capable of having at least functional relationships with other people.  This person didn't come to this specific place for the express purposes of meeting me (stalking excluded).  If he's at a bar with his buddies, he actually HAS buddies who aren't his mom.

3.  Whether he's an extrovert who leads the conversation or that guy who skulks around the edges of a circle and doesn't contribute.  Basically, the degree of social awkwardness.

4.  How he dresses himself for a random night out in public.  You can post ten different mountain-climbing pictures on eHarmony (am I the only person who's never scaled a cliff face?) and still think that a jersey for a sport that you are not currently/very recently actually playing is basically the same as a sport jacket. See also, head-to-toe collegiate logo.

5.  Summer only: If he wears Mandals.  Dealbreaker.

And at least at the bar, when you put down some money, you get alcohol to show for it.