Romeo and Juliet and Kettlebells

I'm currently involved in a love affair with gym equipment.  If you remember my earlier post, you're already aware that I use inanimate objects to fill emotional voids that would otherwise be filled by stable adult relationships.  Oh well, a girl's gotta survive somehow.  So, if Google is my mother, and GMail is my father, then the kettlebell is my boyfriend.


That's right, I'm in love with the simplest, but most intimidating piece of gym equipment there is: the brainchild of some Russian who said, "what this cannonball needs is a handle!"  Kettlebells combine cardio, strength, and flexibility training--a total-body workout all at the same time!  And working out with kettlebells is super-efficient: according to Women's Health magazine, a 15-minute kettlebell session can burn up to 300 calories.  I was taught to train based on intervals: short bursts of all-out effort to hit your target heart rate, then a period of rest to get it back down before another intense burst to spike it again.  It's supposed to burn calories more efficiently and keep your metabolism humming longer after you've stopped working out.  And after every kettlebell superset (a full set of reps of three different moves, no rests till the cycle is done), damned if that heart rate isn't right back up there. I've heard soldiers love them;  if you have to travel light, you can bring an entire gym with you.  Another fan?  Carrie Underwood. 

KB and I were introduced by a mutual friend--a trainer at the gym who was so bored he decided to adopt me and then see if he could kill me.  Like everyone else, I had been terrified to pick one up--what would I even DO with one?  What are the moves?  Am I going to break my neck?  But it was loooooove at first deadlift. 

I'm glad I had a professional introduction, because the moves are simple, BUT form is very, very important.  Which is why we have our very own relationship counselor, in the form of Carlos, my gym's resident kettlebell expert.  See, the first trainer taught me two moves, which hey, got me to pick them up in the first place, were two more moves than I knew, and are still the ones that feel most effective.  But a girl can't sculpt on two moves alone, so I always get excited when Women's Health publishes new kettlebell workouts.  UNTIL, I get to the gym and Carlos marches over to tell me that I'm wrong, wrong, wrong.  Most of the time, it's me; like I said, KB can be a difficult dance partner and it's all about the form.  But beware: that WH article I linked to has THREE moves that I was told were incorrect.  You know what they say, take every piece of relationship advice with a grain of salt, because no one on the outside really knows what your relationship is like.  Those jealous cows at Women's Health, trying to sabotage the relationship between me and my kettlebell-boyfriend!

Thank goodness for Carlos.  Usually, I wouldn't take well to someone getting that involved in my relationship.  However, when the relationship advice is, "you're going to blow your knee out/destroy you're back/completely miss your core work,"  I'm grateful.

I don't consider it a stretch to say that kettlebells are my life partner.  They make me happy--hellooooo endorphins! And, they make me a better person; well, a better version of me.  After just a month of getting serious, a coworker asked me if I had stopped eating.  That's NOT in any way to endorse eating disorders OR dramatic, rapid weight-loss.  Both of those are dangerous, and I hadn't actually lost a single pound (but that's probably because I refuse to live in a world without beer, soft pretzels and ice cream; in which case, thank you kettlebells for erasing my bad habits).  After just a month, my entire body was sleeker, and more toned, so it looked drastically slimmer without everything jiggling around. 

We've been together six months now, and I'm in love.  But I'm not selfish!  I'm willing to share the love of my life with anyone who wants to experience it.  But I would definitely recommend a professional introduction.  Considering everyone else I've met who's a KB enthusiast has the same almost cultish devotion to them, if you can find the go-to trainer at the gym, you'll be in for the time of your life.