Have you checked your Facebook messages today? Oh you have? Have you checked the OTHER messages today? You know, the secret ones that Facebook doesn't give you alerts for?
Over a year ago, Facebook changed the messages function, sorting all incoming messages and sending them to one of two inboxes: those they determine are "meaningful," like messages from people you're already friends with or pages with whom you interact a lot, go in the main inbox and you get an alert. Messages from people you aren't friends with or don't interact with as much get thrown into a bottomless void they've labeled "Other." And you don't get an alert. Which, on the surface, seems like a decent idea. Who cares that the 1000-miles-away-museum you Liked after vacation last year is having a canned food drive?
But two things suck about this: One, that to my knowledge Facebook didn't bother to let people know that their messages were being sorted this way. Two, that not only can you not change the sorting preferences so that more messages go into the main box, but you can't even automatically display the "Other" submailbox in your home screen. Which, since you don't get alerts that you have a new message in a box you can't see, means that you have to remind yourself to physically go looking for possible messages whenever you log onto Facebook.
So, what did you find when you checked out your hidden messages? Anything good? Because I found a BOY.
Let me tell you about this boy. I met this boy while I was hosting a singles event for my station (you know, the ones where I'm not supposed to meet boys because other girls have paid to meet the boys and they already let me eat the buffet so come on). We were playing an icebreaker game where people had to name the movie from a screen grab of a chick flick. And this boy--who was tall! and adorable!--got every single one of them right. Even The Devil Wears Prada. Even The Princess Bride. Even The Craft!!! People, this boy. And then we got to talking and he had a good job and did not live with his mother and was very funny, and eventually he said, great to meet you I'll look you up on Facebook.
And I'll bet you know how this story goes.
This boy who I had written off as Cute-But-Oh-Well-He-Never-Messaged-Me, this boy who I thought I had never heard from, was hiding in my Other Messages Box the whole time! With, might I add, the world's most perfect introductory message! I'll just copy and paste the whole thing for you and I'm sure he won't mind since my point is to let you marvel at its perfection:
hey, just no poking and we should be ok. Was nice meeting you earlier. Would have chatted longer but didn't want to keep you from your job. If you're interested i wouldn't mind meeting up, what are you up to on sunday?Dumb joke to break the ice (forgivable in light of the rest!). Didn't want to keep you from your job (!). Why don't we meet up ON A SPECIFIC DAY OF THE WEEK (!!!!). Now this is how you talk to A Lady.
I mean, this is Men Of Earth Here Is Your Teacher level perfection right here.
And of course it's 8 months later and I am now the jerk who never responded, and he moved to New York. New York! As if this boy could not get any more perfect. And Facebook wants me to die alone. Because I don't already have enough problems. Happy Valentines Day!
Image via Slate.
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